Titled: “Pronouns ain’t what they used to be: A TRANSGENERATION grammar primer”
Nobody wants to be that person in a social situation. You know, the one who gets their pronouns all wrong? There you are in a room with people identifying as ze, they or hir and it doesn’t even occur to you to ask. You make a few assumptions about peoples’ genders, are met with blank stares or even worse, and pretty soon you’re in a corner all alone. Well, we’re here to help you not be that person.
If you’re not sure what went wrong, but are sure you don’t want to be that person in any room, then it may be time for you to update your gender and pronoun vocabulary. Avoiding a social faux pas and respecting a person’s ability to identify themselves, will ensure you get an invite to the next function. Pronouns are a basic building block of language that indicate the gender of the person you’re referring to. Traditionally, pronouns come in he/him or she/her, and are determined based on what’s assigned at birth. For example, when somebody is born and the doctor says, “It’s a girl! She’s beautiful. What will you name her?” Cisgender folks are those who feel their bodies are aligned with their gender assigned at birth, which is the experience most supported by society. So, for many cis folks, the story of their gender ends right there, as does their thinking about the appropriate label in which to address a person.
But the two-party system of pronouns is outdated, as there are a range of people whose gender stories are more complex. Finding self-descriptive language that feels right can be a tricky process, and one that only the individual can determine best. Some transgender folks identify as male or female, though it’s the opposite gender of the one assigned at birth. Genderqueers don’t subscribe to the idea of only two genders and may feel more comfortable somewhere in between. Bigenders identify as male and female and some First Nations folks embody both feminine and masculine spirits. Agenders identify as no gender at all. Luckily, there are more neutral personal pronoun options now, including they/their, ze/hir, ey/eir and the newborn, Swedish ‘hen’ . Recognition of diverse gender identities has a long history around the world, and neutral pronouns are language’s way of catching up.
So, where does this leave you? When you’re mingling at a party, heading up a meeting, or in school, just be mindful of the potential for multiple genders in the room. If you’re unsure of someone’s preferred pronouns, don’t be afraid to ASK. Once you learn them, use them every time, like you would for anyone else. Not being that person can be as simple as that.
Want to learn more? Check out:
- Melissa Harris-Perry hosts an awesome show on MSNBC. Watch her recent episode on being transgender in America.
- Queer women of color talk gender, during Episode 2 of the phenomenal web series The Peculiar Kind.
- This interactive map lets you learn the names, history and culture of different gender identities around the world.
- Transgender People of Color Coalition work together to address issues that impact trans men and women of color. Get involved!
- Genderfork is an amazing online, volunteer run community for people across the gender spectrum to connect. Here you’ll find photos, words of encouragement and opportunities to make friends.
- BLITZ is a comprehensive nationwide resource guide and online community for all people under the transgender umbrella and their allies.
(image via The Corner Window)
Published by The Sundance Channel: SUNfiltered blog, 5/8/12
(via shutupandjustgimmesugar)
Chicken Suit
Here’s a little testimony I wrote a few months back about my trans experience:
Everywhere I go, I wear a chicken suit. Every morning, I force myself to uncurl from my fetal position, shower in my feathers, and step outside my apartment in a chicken suit. I ride my bike to class in my chicken suit. I squawk at roll-call. I’m the first chicken-identified person to hold my photographer position in the Associated Students’. A chicken with a camera.
I meet new people every day. I shake fleshy hands with my feathered ones and awkwardly stare at my feet when someone asks why I’m wearing a chicken suit. I got loads of friends. Out of respect they pretend they don’t see the chicken suit. I date, or at least I try to date. I have to explain that my chicken-suit isn’t the product of my attention-deprivation. Girls aren’t always comfortable with holding hands and walking down the street with a chicken.
I’d slip out of my feathery shell if I could, but I can’t simply unzip my skin and let Cade walk out. Or at least, I can’t do it for free. In the pursuit of aligning my exterior and interior, I must withstand cock-a-doodle-doo’s spat from the lips of bros while I walk across campus. Despite my upbringing in the coop, I must convince my family that a chicken life isn’t for me. I must jump through fiery hoops installed by an ignorant society and hateful lawmakers at every corner along my path to medically leave my feathery life behind.
My chicken-suit is a state of limbo between the ends of the gender-spectrum. I am a man, but I don’t look or sound like the typical American male, so people look twice. Sometimes they keep staring. But I don’t want people to stare, I don’t want my friends to worry about stumbling over my pronouns, and I don’t want girls to look right through me like they do. I face these uncomfortable situations daily because I don’t quite fit in. I stand outside masculine male and feminine female. But until I have about a year’s worth of testosterone-treatment in my system, my breast tissue removed and the acceptance of my family, I guess I’ll have to make-do with the chicken suit.
embracethefire asked: Do you go to WWU? I go to CWU and I saw your post on fyftms. Just wanted to say hi!
Yeah! I’m from a small town by Moses Lake, but I go to school in Bham.
Sweet Redemption
One year ago today I was outed to my family by my aunt. It was the worst day of my life. My mother told me “clean up my act” and go back into the closet, her reasoning was that I would never be able to be successful as long as I was openly transgender.
Well, yesterday I proved her wrong when I was awarded a $4,000 scholarship from the Greater Seattle Business Association, a union of queer and trans people establishing safe working environments. I was openly trans throughout my entire application and interview process, going by my preferred name and pronouns only. The whole thing was just so queer and awesome.
After a year of hell coping with my family’s continued ignorance and transphobia, this is incredible karma.
So now that my financial burdens are lightened, I will likely to begin a consistent, regulated, and healthy process of testosterone treatment, as well as purchase my long awaited Canon 5d Mark ii.
What comes around, eventually goes around.
7minutesinxheaven asked: Hi. I'm sorta on the fence about my gender identity and all, and so I'm adding a lot of ftm people, which I really think I am. Just curious though: How did you pick your name? Whenever I think of myself as myself, a name never comes to mind; I've been called my birthname for so long. Thanks. I hope this isn't creepy. XD
Not creepy at all. For me, it was a lot of internal recognition. It was busting down what my upbringing in the wrong gender had put on me and then looking at who I really was.
When I was in my sophomore year of high school, I fascinated all the time about this man I thought I was and his life, loves, and tragedies. I lived his life through my imagination, and he was very much like myself. Only he was in the body I wanted to have.
I was in a music theory class at the time. Music had become a massive part of my life and also one in my alter-ego’s life. When I first heard the word “cadence” meaning a natural stopping point at the end of a piece, I fell in love with the word. This was the name I gave to my alter-ego. I then shortened it up to Caden and later Cade.
So when I came out and was finally able to become the man I always wanted to be, much like my alter-ego, it only seemed necessary to keep the name I began to love. I also realized how many people in the transmale community go by names like “Caden, Aiden, Hayden” and I didn’t want to represent a trent. So I started going by Cade. Also, I think Cade sounds more strong, young, and a little sexy. Early on, I did decide to go with Cade so I could keep my first initial.
But after one year of going by Cade and 18 going by my birthname, my birthname sounds completely foreign to me. Cade is my name and when someone calls me by my birthname or wrong pronouns, I usually don’t respond.
Hope that give you some insight.
This little boy loves his Papa. He wants to be just like him when he grows up: an army man. Disney’s Hercules is his favorite movie because he wants to be big and strong. His favorite sport is baseball and he likes to play catch with his Grandpa Bob. When his cat Fred ran away, he cried for days. This little boy is haunted by the floral print dresses his Oma makes him wear.
In three years this little boy will make his mother cry for telling her that he wants to die. He hates how kids make fun of his short hair and glasses. He misses his buddy Michael who won’t play with him anymore because he saw him use the girls’ bathroom.
In eleven years this little boy will try to kill himself. He’ll try again the next year. And the year after that, a car accident will leave him disfigured. His Grandpa Bob will grow too weak to play catch and then leave the earth. He’ll be too sad to play catch with anyone, let alone get out of bed. He’ll hate the town he lives in almost as much as he hates his body. Then he’ll finally leave that town.
But he won’t leave his body. This boy’s body has changed so much in fifteen years. He wants to be a kid again, because that was the only time being himself was okay.
This little boy is me at four-years-old. Before I had to struggle through years of discrimination, isolation, oppression, and depression.
Love your kids and everything they are. Don’t try and change them. Just let them stay happy. Simple as that.
General Update + Brophobia
So I realize it’s been FOREVER since I posted last. Things have been super-duper-busy between work, school, and living the trans-life.
So as many of my Bhammin friends may know, last Sunday evening I had an transphobic encounter that resulted in me calling the police. While crossing a street with my bike, I barely had time to react to a white pickup truck that came barreling around the corner. I had to jump out of the way so he didn’t hit me, but he came close. Out of surprise and anger, I yelled “Fuck you” and threw up my middle finger. The truck came to a screeching halt, the driver got out and began yelling at me, calling me gay slurs and telling me to watch my mouth.
I told him he better watch his driving and kept walking away. I’m no stranger to hate-crime statistics and this guy looked like he might make me another statistic, so I was ready to gtfo. He was white, bald, about mid-20s in age, obviously drunk, and walking towards me threateningly, with fists clenched. He threatened my life and called me a few more slurs including “tranny.” At that moment, I whipped my head around and yelled “cocksucker!” and flipped him off again. He yelled a few more insults before he got in his truck and drove away. I thought he was going to drive back around and beat me up, but luckily he continued on his merry, drunk, fucking way.
After this happened, I immediately called the police and reported the incident, to which they were very kind and transfriendly. I also told all my friends to make them aware. I ended up getting a lot of shit for saying “cocksucker.” While I recognize that this is considered a sexist and homophobic word, I must stand up for how I reacted in light of the threatening situation. When you feel you might be moments away from getting beat up or killed, you’re not thinking about being peacy. In my right mind, I would have never said that word. But I did. I stood up for myself, used valor by walking away, and made it home safely.
Unfortunately I’ve had several threatening situations like this happen to me while I was growing up in my conservative hometown. But this is only my second hateful encounter since coming up to Bellingham and being out as trans. Since this has happened, I’ve found myself more fearful to go out at night, which sucks cause I love my late-night walks. I also felt uncomfortable today going to the gym, which is packed with bros who reminded me of that guy.
Majority of my hateful experiences have been perpetrated by bros: generally white, homophobic, heterosexual, sexist, ignorant males. Some of my best friends have also faced sexism, misogyny, racism, and homophobia mostly from these kinds of people. While I don’t like to stereotype, I can’t help but feel that my experiences with these men has lead to the presence of brophobia in my life. While I wouldn’t judge someone personally by their dress or demeanor, I often feel uneasy around these guys who look and act the part of a bro because I’ve seen most hate from them.
Western has a pretty big bro population and I feel that this bro-culture that our student body is nursing has led to a lot of the problems we have on and off campus. So when I got back from my very brophobic experience at the gym, I decided to write a list of 25 things I would like to say to the stereotypical white, sexist, heterosexual bro:
1. Saying “no homo” doesn’t assert your heterosexuality. You wouldn’t feel the need to say it if you didn’t feel like you had to come out as straight.
2. Don’t dress like a Mexican, Native American, or as any other culture for Halloween or any other time.
3. Does your mom know how you act?
4. You don’t get to use the N-word.
5. If you piss people off by using the words faggot, fag, dyke, homo, lesbo, or tranny, don’t tell them to “be chill.”
6. On that note, do not tell a woman to “be chill” after calling her a bitch, ho, slut, whore, grabbing her ass, or objectifying her in any way.
7. My legs are probably hairier than yours.
8. No one is impressed by your penis drawing skills.
9. Generally, no one is impressed by you.
10. Objectifying women doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a coward.
11. Does Jesus know how you act?
12. Please stop walking at snail’s pace in hallways, holding up traffic behind you.
13. If you love your truck or car, learn to drive it better.
14. A woman is not a bitch.
15. If you want to be a lady’s man, grow up.
16. Please, please, please, stop replacing the word “dumb” with “gay.”
17. If you use the word “retarded” one more time, I just might punch you in the face.
18. Thanks for drinking shitty beer and saving the good stuff for the rest of us.
19. A little dab of AXE body spay will last the whole night.
20. Dubstep.
21. Rape jokes are not funny.
22. The world doesn’t need straight pride.
23. I can smell your weed.
24. Stop yelling at people as you drive by.
25. What good is your behavior doing for you?
Panoramic shot of Labyrinth, an exhibition in the Viking Union Gallery featuring the visual artwork accepted into this year’s Labyrinth, created by the AS Women’s Center. The journal will be distributed during its release party and the exhibition’s closing reception at 6 pm on March 1. Please come see these amazing pieces while you can! My best friend worked for months to make this year’s journal, “Beyond the Body” an incredible display of empowerment.
© Cade Schmidt
